White People. Am I Right?

so my father retired today. well, he retired three days ago and he’s already substitute teaching in the next state over–double dipping’.  Among the surprises surrounding his retirement party friday was the location.  my father and bonus mom live in gaston county, and while gaston isn’t known for being highfalutin, they are among the well-to-do of gaston county.  country club types.  the retirement party was held at a biker club in the middle of nowhere.  apparently the biker club sponsored my dad’s school.  the school where he was the principal is for the special kids–i think they are referred to as “EC” now.  all the EC kids in the county ages 5-22 were under his care and so this biker club took the kids on outings and trips and wanted to send my dad out to pasture with a bang.  lots line dancing.  lotsa hawaiian punch with vodka.  lotsa unidentifiable finger foods homemade by biker club wives.  my best friend from kindergarten made an appearance.  she ended up working for my dad about ten years ago.  i told her she could be in charge of my dad after i left and she declined because she has seen him tanked before and has seen his signature dance move.  about the time we were having this discussion, the dj started up a series of line dances from the electric slide to the wobble and whoa–watching white people dance is hilarious.  watching black people dance is less hilarious.  speaking of, out of the 150 or people present, there were about 5 black women.  i managed to talk to a couple of them.  one kidded that she was my dad’s mistress.  one told me a joke that involved pennies and pussy.  my dad’s successor is a nice lady.  her husband started telling me the best hokey jokes once he’d had a couple of beers.  after about 2.5 hours of biker bar retirement party, i had to head back home to wnc, but i’m really glad i got to see all the folks who adore my father.  he was not the best parental figure growing up and he still isn’t the best parental figure, but now that i’m old enough to be friends with him, i can see why so many people are proud to refer to him as such.


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