Using a Little Knowledge

of gestalt therapy, i’ve started tackling the interpretation of a very disturbing dream i had a couple of weeks ago. i was in a camper sewing large cabbage patch kid-style dolls with my sister. my grandfather (maternal) was standing outside the camper with a shotgun. i stepped out of the camper with my hands up saying, “do NOT shoot m–” BAM. he shot me square in the face with double-ought buck shot. i didnt die immediately and turned to run and he shot me again in the back. then i woke up.

here goes: i’m experiencing a lot of anxiety which gestalt theory says is behind a lot of dreams. i think that i am anticipating the “death” of my old self from a potential trans standpoint as well as from a spiritual standpoint cuz i’m fixin to go to this intense meditation thing in jan. i wanna be a boy in some sense of that word, more so than i am now, and my desires revolving around that are highly misunderstood much like my grandfather was a misunderstood individual. and though he was weird, very weird, i see him as the archetype of manliness. he was about my height and i look a lot like him. so this new me is killing off this old me, the old me that was expected to play with dolls and be a girly girl. i think my sister’s presence is there to witness and accept. initially she wasn’t ok with me being gay when i came out but now i a big l gay supporter. she is also a highly misunderstood individual. so changing and being misunderstood are the themes–not as alarming as i first thought waking up from this intense dream.

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2 thoughts on “Using a Little Knowledge

  1. Thanks for sharing your story, I’ll pass this on to E. We talked about it last night, but I’ve been sick so it’s a bit blurry. Will get back to you soon!

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